Shizuo Plays Golf
by Amandine Savaenirs
Summary: Poor Shizuo is dragged off to play golf, possibly the most frustrating game in the world. It goes as well as one would expect. Written when I was forced to join the school golf team against my better judgement.


Shizuo grunted. Shinra had been granted a membership at some fancy golf club out in the country, as a favor from some client of his. And why he had been dragged along to play GOLF of all sports…well…

Celty- as she had no head- couldn't remove her helmet and the club wouldn't allow anyone who wore a motorcycle helmet all the time onto the course

Izaya would end up manipulating the people around him, and probably manipulate the ball into cheating. How? He'd find a way.

Shinra wasn't about to bring along any of those high school kids from the Dollars incident.

So poor Shizuo got dragged along to play one of the most annoying sports on the planet. It was also one of the most trying, as everyone had their good days, and the bad days were horrifically frustrating. So, not exactly the best game for someone with a very short fuse.

_Hole One_

"Shizuo-kun! You might want to aim towards the—" Smash. "—the hole… Okay, let's move to the next hole before the people at the Pro Shop realize it was you…"

Shizuo grunted. He hated this sport already.

_Hole Two_

_ Well, at least he's aiming in the right direction this time…_ Shinra thought. Shizuo still hadn't figured out how to aim at the hole, but was aiming in the right direction out of chance. But he hit it a bit too hard… let's just say the caddy at the next tee won't be caddying for a while…

_Hole Five_

"Okay. Control your emotions and channel them at the ball. Think of the ball as someone who you hate, and send his or her head flying."

BIG MISTAKE. As Shizuo scrunched his eyebrows he mouthed the word 'flea.'

They left that hole with a divot the size of a golf cart, a bent titanium rod (formerly a 3-Wood) and Shinra was pretty sure that the ball Shizuo hit was still in space. It probably wasn't a good idea to tell him to imagine the face of someone he hated. _I should have seen that one coming._

Somewhere, an information broker sneezed.

_Hole Nine_

"Sir!" A pompous-looking man strode over to the two men as they left the final green of the front Nine to head to the first tee of the back Nine. Shizuo looked at him with apprehension as he exhaled his cigarette, "Sir, you are not allowed to smoke on club property! I'm going to have to ask you to stop."

When Shizuo didn't listen, the man tried to get his attention again, "Sir! Please stop smoking!"

"I heard you the first time."

"Then, sir, please don't smoke, or I shall be forced to have you removed from the premises." No response. "Sir, did you hear me? I said that-"

All of ten seconds later, the man found himself stuck high in a tree, with a bent nine-iron lying on the ground underneath.

_Hole Twelve_

There was a soft 'plunk' as the small white golf ball landed in a water hazard. That was… probably the third ball in a row that had been hit into that one lake.

The blond who had hit the aforementioned three golf balls was NOT happy at all.

The group behind them found trees uprooted and several broken irons scattered around as if there had been a hurricane.

_Hole Fifteen_

Shinra pulled the club back to take a swing, when there was a cry of "FORE!" He ducked and covered his head as the ball swished right past him…and hit Shizuo in the chest.

The bodyguard crushed his cigarette under his shoe, grabbed a two-wood, and stalked off to beat the ever-loving crud out of whomever had just hit him.

_Hole Eighteen_

Shinra gave out a happy sigh. Despite the various setbacks on almost all of the previous holes, they had finally reached the end of the course. However, there were only two clubs left in the golf bag after Shizuo's rampage; a driver and a putter.

They finished up the eighteenth hole with little incident. Well, that was until…

"Shizu-chan, I didn't know you played golf! You ought to bring me here sometime!"

Shinra massaged his temples, _Oh God. Not good._

Suddenly, the bag next to Shinra was flying through the air at everyone's favorite information broker, and the two remaining clubs were trailing not too far behind.

As carnage occurred in front of him, he could only think of one thing:

If you value your sanity, never let Shizuo play golf.


End file.
